Aftermath of Heartbreak

aftermath

Aftermath of Heartbreak by Ruth Kim

Aftermath

aftermath. You know when you’ve cried so much your teeth hurt, your eyes are swollen shut and you just can’t breathe anymore? Like you’ve cried the tears of all the unshed tears, your own and generations of women in my lineage. You wake up with the morning dew of all those expressed emotions you can’t take back. Because you know, there is no turning back to that way of love and life anymore. #spiritualawakening#lifeinthecrucible

I had a thought this morning. That I’ve spent most of my life trying to belong, be loved by someone else, family, friends, etc. I would do crazy things to belong and to be loved. Over giving, over eager, over the top whatever it was to belong and be loved. Then add on to that all the ways I acquiesced, agreed to things that didn’t feel good or the thing I knew in my gut it wasn’t going to turn out well and did it anyway. I even made this over giving and acquiescing a career for almost 20 years because a lifetime hobby wasn’t enough. And guess what. None of it got me anything remotely close to what I wanted. Because the thing I wanted didn’t live over there with someone else. The thing I wanted lives inside of me. No one can fill that.

The thing I couldn’t wrap my heart around was belonging to myself, loving myself. That. That is the best place to belong, be loved. Ain’t nobody gonna love me, like I do. Easier said than done, for sure. AND isn’t this the work for all of us?

Be kind; for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. – Socrates

This kindness Socrates speaks about comes from being kind to yourself. Loving yourself. Knowing that you belong to you. There is nothing for me to “get” that I don’t already have within myself: love and belonging.

#therevelation

A new foundation. Feels naked. Feels raw. Feels right.

Aftermath

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Heartbreak

heartbreak

Heartbreak by Ruth Kim

Sometimes. You break your own heart. Today is one of those days. # heartbreak

#realizations 

I felt that feeling. The sinking feeling that I’ve felt before. The feeling of “Oh, I’ve over given. I’ve done it again.” The part of the story that tells me I’m the one that loves but not in return. The feeling of “I knew better than to agree to something that felt like bullshit.” The part of the story that tells me I am willing to try at all cost to belong but not really belonging.

#dishonestybymutualconsent

I’ve done this sick cycle over and over again. It feels like this time, I have the choice to interrupt the cycle myself. So I made the decision to quit, eject myself from the situation. I pulled the plug on my own heart. For my sake. Heartbreak.

#soberheartbreak

I broke my own heart knowing of a deeper promise of love. That is to love myself at all costs. I have faith that what was broken will heal.

 

Here is a special reflection from Ruth written months after the poem was written:

Trust Her. She knows. Even in heartbreak, She knew it was the only way. The only way to move forward is to feel the heartbreak and be broken completely. I can choose to continue suffering or I can choose the freedom to have what I want. Both paths hurt. However, there is one path that teaches our heart that we are more than our heartbreak.

 

At Backed by Women we know first hand how to navigate the struggles we all go through.  We invite you to join our community.  We have been in business for a year and are excited to announce we are expanding our services.  Learn more about our Mommy Concierge services.

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You still want to be friends?

friends

You still want to be friends?

You and me,

we’ve done a lot together.

Explored some unfamiliar territories,

stretched to some unknowing edges.

We let out the dark parts. The raw parts.

You and me,

said some things,

Love and hate,

To connect and disconnect.

Felt some things,

both ecstasy and that dark primal heat.

Consumed and drowning in pleasure,

tearing at our hearts raw and beating.

Discomfort. For sure.

Boundaries crossed. Definitely.

Violations. Check.

And is there love?

You and me,

is it possible to be friends?

Even after all that?

I wasn’t good,

I wasn’t close to good.

I was too much and not enough,

I was all consuming and retracted.

I followed the rules and broke them all.

I let you in my heart and pushed you away.

I was honest and manipulative.

I was controlling and free.

I was out of control and tightly zipped.

I was light and dark.

Is this friendship?

I told you everything. Unfiltered.

The good, bad, provoking, tantalizing.

All of it from the inside out.

I opened up myself in dark places I rarely go.

Untethered and angry.

Messy crazy unbuttoned and real.

Even after all that.

You still want to be friends?

I’m challenged by that admission.

I’m confronted to know that there is enough love between us to have.

That I can be that awful and you still want to be friends.

I am now sobering up.

Embarrassed that I couldn’t see that you didn’t want me that intimately.

Terrifically humiliated by my behavior. And shocked.

It leads me to sit with myself.

Do I have enough love for myself to forgive myself and stay connected?

Is this my ego at play that I can’t bend towards loving these parts of me?

My own admission that I have lots of for love you but I don’t have enough love for myself yet. That. Breaks my heart.

So for now.

I’m working on befriending myself.

Figuring out how to be friends with everyone while I’m loving myself in places that feel unlovable.

Bending my ego, wrestling it down to allow for my imperfections, darkness, flaws to be loved.

 

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Revolutionary Moms: Redefining Motherhood

Meet Brenda, one of our resident Coaches! She is a Transformational Coach for moms and an Orgasmic Meditation Trainer. She guides women to live more authentically, have better sex and more freedom. She’s a mother of two, a former middle school teacher, and has been on a 10-year journey of claiming her power as a woman and mother.

In her latest article, Brenda shares her experience and 2 other moms experiences- A MUST READ!

Check Out Brenda’s Article Here!

Also Check out the lessons Brenda has learned from Chorizo here Chorizo Lessons Learned

Join Us for an Exclusive Coaching Circle for Moms

Coaching Circle for Moms

It’s time for moms to come together to talk about what it’s like being a woman and a mother. How do we navigate our own desire when we are busy taking care of kids, a relationship and a home? How do we follow our own desire and not be riddled with guilt? Keep our sex life alive? Or reignite it? How do we be a woman while still being a great mom? How can we have what we want when our default is to take care of everyone else?

Being on a ten year path of exploration, I have learned a lot. I have transformed myself, my life, and through that my relationship with my self, my children, my partner and the people around me is better than ever. The Dalai Lama said the world will be healed by the western woman. That is true. It starts with us, the women, the mothers.

If you are ready to take a stand for yourself, the time is now. Join my Circle for Moms! We will talk about topics such as desire, self love, sex, relationships, voice, purpose, authenticity and sisterhood.

This Circle is for you if you:
~are a mom and often navigate between being a woman and being a mother
~want to follow your true desire more and often find yourself doing for others more than yourself
~are interested in any or all of these topics: desire, self love, sex, relationship, parenting, speaking your voice, living more authentically
~want to work with me and want to start with a smaller bite

Details:

~Circle will be virtual, so moms anywhere may join in

~Time/day will be determined by the participants #momslikeitconvenient

~We will start at the end of October

~Circle is 6 weeks, one video call a week, 75 minutes

Investment:

$395 register by September 25

$449 register by October 10

$495 register after October 11

Let’s chat! If you would like to know more, let’s set up a zero obligation chat to see if this Circle for Moms is for you. Email me goddessbrenda24@gmail.com to set up a time that’s convenient for you.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/coaching-circle-for-moms-tickets-37855072541

The Value of The Feminine by Yael Nevo

Looking back on the phases of the Western feminist revolution (and a revolution it is!), a lot has been accomplished, and we still have a long way to go.
I am a feminist. I proudly call myself a feminist because I know that I would not be where I am today and would not be able to have the experiences that I have had, if it wasn’t for many women (and men) who have and are backing me. I am also a feminist because I look at the world and I see a crisis that could only be changed by an increase of the currency we give feminine values.
Looking back on the social changes brought about by the feminist movement, first women had to straggle to have a voice. The rights for political participation, studying, working – women wanted to be in the world, to engage with and influence the decisions we take as a society. Then came a deeper and more fundamental change. Women wanted special rights based on different needs than men. We created flexible working conditions, maternity leave, a change in research methodologies etc. – we wanted an end to seeing men as the norm and having women forced to align. Then came a more substantial understanding of the differences between women. How class and race and sexual preferences and disability and age interact to create different views, needs and goals. Along this time, the concept of Queer gained momentum as well and we began to understand that our femininity (and masculinity) does not dwell in us simply because of our biological structure. It is wider, fluid and more complex than we thought.
Our world today has only scratched the surface of our understanding of Gender. This is true both essentially – meaning how we all carry different feminine and masculine energies within us, and more importantly, socially – meaning the extent of the permission we allow ourselves to explore these aspects in us and in others. We live in a society that declares equality for women, but constantly fails to acknowledge the true value of ‘The Feminine’, whether it is manifested within women, men, and everything in between.
And yes, using the term ‘The Feminine’ is tricky, so allow me to clarify. When using this phrase, I am referring to traits such as care, intuition, vulnerability, softness. The reason I am associating these qualities with femininity is not because women have sole ownership of them, but because these have historically and socially been attributed and therefore encouraged in women, and because these values have lower currency in our society than values that are associated with men such as rationality, strength and independence. Since we live in a world that adheres by the latter set of values and conforms all of us to align behind them, regardless of our gender identity, we still exclude many women from their legitimacy to full participation. I use the term ‘The Feminine’ as a way to reclaim what has been passed around as spoiled goods and show it for its true nature – life-sustaining force.
What we are experiencing is a crisis of connection. As a society, we are losing the capacity to truly relate to each other, by rewarding zero sum game of competition, valuing facts over feelings and suppressing emotions. We live isolated, over-worked, compensating for our lack in true connection by over-eating, over-drinking, shopping, porn and binge-watching. We look away from the suffering of others, and we rarely ask for help ourselves.
This hierarchal structure appears natural. This is how we were brought up – feminine values are underrated and appear weak if we were to express them, we will be put down, judged by others, and ourselves. However this structure is not a force of nature. It is a social structure meant to benefit the few. Maintaining unequal divisions, based in dog eat dog competition that serves this structure – keeps us separated, lonely, angry. This in turn creates space for more and more extreme voices, violence breaks and we either take part or numb ourselves in the face of it. Overall, we are distracted and depleted enough for this mechanism to keep going, for secret deals of arms trade or genetically modified food to go through, for our health and education services budget to be cut once again. And so we are detached from our real birthright of connection. We stopped caring for ourselves, for others, for our environment. We have lost the fundamental energy that will push us forward and tilt the scale from destruction to creation. And those few at the top, isn’t it the lack of connection that has them act so selfishly?
Imagine a world where care has a monetary value, where the more you show up for others and put attention on your environment, the more you are rewarded. A world where these values are not secondary or taken for granted, they are not something to practice on your spare time and they are not charity. What if we decide, right now that our care for other people and the acknowledgment of theirs and our own vulnerability were as important, if not more, than the matter of fact, utilitarian approach to life. What if we were to look at these as an investment, as a muscle that the more you flex it, the stronger it gets. What if we value the feminine, and the people who hold it not just as equals, but as precious?
And so the next step for feminism, the way I see it, is to acknowledge the deep deprivation we are living in, and to support not only women, but The Feminine, wherever and with whomever it shows up. It is time to feel.

Professional Cuddling with Dieniz

Paying to get cuddles is not as unusual as some might think. It is, in fact, a real business built to help people who feel lonely, depressed, or simply in need of an extra cuddle from a stranger.

You can look at it as an upgrade to the “free hugs” you sometimes see on the streets. The difference is there’s a registered company behind it, an hourly rate, and even a certified diploma.

The company, Cuddlist says: “Touch plays an important role in building social connections and most of us don’t get enough touch in our lives.”

How can cuddling with a stranger help combat loneliness and feel better with others? I decided to give it a try myself and find out.

This is my video experience with Dieniz, who is a “professional cuddlist.” I had a one-hour session with her and she introduced me to this entirely new world of “cuddling.”

Despite mine lasting one hour, a session can go up to six hours. It is all up to the client, together with deciding what to do and how to structure the time.

Cuddlist charges £80 per hour. If you’re interested in trying, Dieniz also offered a discounted rate for Business Insider readers.

This article was originally published on Businessinsider.com

Book excerpt from Bad Mamma by Louise

*Bad Mamma* – a book excerpt from Louise, one of the women we BACK!

Sundays are tricky.
Or they used to be.
It took me to ever for ever to figure that out. In the beginning I thought it was because the kids had been at my place for seven days and I was tired and they wouldn’t sleep and that is a great story.
One of many one could tell of Sunday nights.

My understanding of it is different now though.

This came to my attention on a Sunday night at 9:30 PM I was on the call that I really wanted to be on and so “of course” my kids for a bickering about how much light should be in the room, who was talking more, who started it, and that was being disruptive with the other one that was telling them to slow down and be quiet I was he in getting ear plugs and dripping saltwater in sore eyes, basically I was not able to be on the call at all and it lasted only an hour.

And I got super annoyed like, “okay I just needed to be in this call for an hour can you guys just shut up and go to sleep already I mean what’s the problem”. okay so I didn’t actually say that that’s how I felt. And I was so on my way into blaming them and being annoyed at them and going into the story of “I will never have what I want”. And when something is really important you sure as hell will show up and disappeared for me. I realise this is not a pretty-momma story. And I think for a while I had a story about not being a very great mum. It runs in the family. As the best stories do. I just took me a while to see how I was creating my story in my own life.

But then I remembered but a friend of mine Lucy said just a few days before “be mindful of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory”.

Because the truth of the matter is that I hated Sunday nights. I really hated them. And I was working really hard to not see why. Because Monday mornings my kids go to my ex-husband, and I won’t see them for a week. And really that is very painful to me. I miss them. A lot. But it’s just too painful to feel those feelings. So I unconsciously created a little drama Sunday nights and conflicts with them or between them so that I would get annoyed with them and protect myself from feeling the hurt and the longing, the sadness of missing them, the shame of being the one who filed for divorce, the one who created their life like this. That responsibility still feels pretty heavy on my shoulders. But I’m done. So done. Protecting myself from feeling the pain and losing out on how much I love them and how much it sucks on a Sunday night.
I am done blaming them for not getting what I want. Because it’s not true. And. I will get what I want. I will get what I need and they are not the ones who stand in my way. I am. Or. I was.
No more bad mamma stories.

I’m gonna allow myself to feel the hurt, the yearning, the love.
Because that’s all it really is, it’s love.
I love them so much it hurts.
And thats ok.
Now.

Values Dissect with Ruth Kim, Founder of Backed By Women

On this special Mother’s Day, Tiffany interviewed Ruth Kim, the founder of Backed by Women.

Ruth is a powerhouse of energy and love. Dominant in the masculine sense of productivity and efficiency, she also fosters a unique feminine side fueled by desire, connection, and intuition.

This interview dissects the 5 values of Backed By Women and how it came to be.


May 14 @ Soho, New York City

T: So what I hope to better understand is what fuels a founder of a company, someone with a core mission. I want to understand the how. How did this all start?  

R: Just about 10 months ago, I experienced a span of 2 weeks, of multiple moms, who needed a trusted source in figuring out what’s best for their child. “Is this the right thing for my kid, is this normal?” A lot of stress coming from the mom and rightly so, because there isn’t a trusted source that says “You are going to be okay. Your child is perfectly normal or perfect in your right and you’re doing the best in all that you can.” So many mothers with tears in their eyes, weeping, because it’s so hard when trying to figure out that there might be something different with your child.

I want to be able to support women with children to be able to have a trusted source and get coached so they can make really great decisions for their kids and they themselves become the brilliant for their family. Then, I had this idea, Mommy Concierge.

We have women who just want to be connected, known, heard and also supported in actualizing their gifts, brilliance, and power.

T: There’s so much room for actual internal shifts to happen once we realize our potential.

R: Right. Historically, it was women who taught other women how to become a woman. It was through connection that women became women and mothers. We don’t technically have that anymore.

One of the things we do as women is pretend on the outside, and what happens on the inside, is we disconnect and we isolate.

I wanted a platform where we don’t have to do it by ourselves, in isolation. As women, we need connection in order to thrive. We need other women to help us become the woman we want to be.

That is one of the nutrients that is essential to becoming a woman, connection with other women and working out life together.

When I was thinking about my own journey, my mother by the time I was 8 was terminally ill. So at 8 years old, you are at the precipice of becoming a woman, I didn’t have anybody. But God’s good, right?! Providing boat loads of women pouring out whatever they had, everything and anything they had. So I can see what it is to become a woman in every step of the way.

All of those women were mothers as well.

In thinking about my company and the organization that I’m creating, I was backed by multitudes of women. 

There’s no other way that I am the person that I am today without decades of backing.

The company that I’ve launched is Backed By Women. We are talking about coaching, support, community, connection for any stage of womanhood, whether you are just beginning to figure it out or entering a new phase. Whether in career, relationships, health and wellness, motherhood, in all of that, we have women who are willing to stand with you and connect with you and create community with you so that you are not alone.

T: I’d love to get into the next phase of this interview which is “What are the 5 values?” This is going to come as a process and unraveling. We start with 1 and then we see where the flow takes us.

R:  I think the root of all of it is Love. Truly

I think when women back other women, it is not with any sort of ego, it is a love for a sister, a love for another woman who’s on their own journey. That’s where the richness comes in. It’s out of love. That kind of connection. 

T: The foundation is definitely rooted by love and it’s a constant backing. So it starts from that internal source, that power. And where does it go next?

R: I think the next value is ultimately Surrender.

I used to get mad at that word a lot and I’m learning a new interpretation of it, that actually gets to the root of what it is to be a woman. Brene Brown talks about surrender and vulnerability. Coming from a place of hurt, those words will really piss me off. But coming from a place of love and connection, surrender is the easiest path to stay in connection. You don’t have to fight. You just let whatever it is out. Let it go. Be a witness to and by. The surrender that comes from “Okay I have to give up one way of doing life.” In the past, I would have fought and made it extremely difficult for myself. Spend a lot of energy being mad, frustrated and creating a lot of emotional mess. So this time, like when I broke my foot, I was like “Okay, I don’t have to fight.” I can alter the way I move from point A to B and still feel good in the middle of a potentially trying situation.

 T: There’s a lot that happens when we can allow ourselves the space to be still.

R: I think my natural self is incredibly busy, busy because I can. We take for granted the amount of energy, electricity we generate. I now know that I have an enormous amount of energy, ENORMOUS! And God and the universe is asking me to stop, there’s a lot of will that just had to lay down.

And just be and surrender to that moment.

T: Yes, Love and Surrender is fundamental. This is the part where I want you to feel into where Backed by Women is going. Where you want to drive it to become. The third value is a good transition period to start to think about that.

R: Ultimately when women know better, we do better. And when we deeply know the way to connect to women, we do better. All of us win and all of us are also more brilliant together in connection. When that happens, we expand our impact.

T: You want there to be concrete evidence and not only that, but an affirmation that comes from within. Collectively for all women, and not just from the power woman.

R: Yes, and that happens in Connection.

I talked about how I’ve been backed by a multitude of women and the vision is for myself and many other women to pay it forward. When we pay it forward, there’s a level of power, grit, a level of truth that is undeniable as we have been the recipient of the enormous gift of connection. So when we pay it forward, we make room for more women to have the kind of backing as we become the best versions of ourselves as women. It really is that YOU have a gift, each woman has a gift, their own genius, brilliance that emerges through connection with other women.

T: There’s a definite flow of having you say Love, Surrender, Connection. What’s coming up for me in my head is the word Feminine. A lot of women I feel aren’t very connected with their feminine. It’s a masculine world out there. I’d love to hear more about what feminine means in how you see it and the context of how your business is run by the feminine and what that would look like.

R: I’ve been in the industry of the masculine, for the better part of almost 20 years. This experience in launching this business has quite the different feel, as it has been birthed through what feels good, the feminine. The feminine is actually quite expansive, can include a lot without having as many agendas that are planned to the second.

At Backed by Women, we create packages, circles, webinars, seminars, that are driven by the women that are on our platform who have a desire to do something, say something, change an aspect of the world.

If it feels good, we do it. If it brings more connection, we do it. If it brings more joy, we do it. It’s the feminine. Its unending. It’s kind of like love. The love that we have is infinite. There’s always more. In the feminine, there always a way to figure it out that feels good. There’s a spark of genius, abundance, creation, inclusiveness.

T: I’m hearing that feminine is like creation and intuition. And it can’t happen alone. There’s this power that is rooted in what you call Love and Surrender and just following what it is that drives us to find the most creative solution, to go for our desire, to stay connected, and also have it feel good. There’s so much juice there. What do you feel is the last piece that really ties it together in the end?

R:  Well there’s freedom, and in freedom there’s power. In our purpose, we find freedom, power, creativity, and we also find abundance within and we are able to expand.

T: So gathering all of those 5 elements, with love, surrender, connection, feminine, and with purpose. What do you feel is your mission statement?

Together we cocreated the Backed by Women Value Statement

Rooted in LOVE, we allow ourselves to SURRENDER in CONNECTION with other women to discover our FEMININE power within and be fueled by our PURPOSE to change the world.

Thank you Ruth for your creation, devotion, and relentless drive in creating a platform that can connect women to their brilliance. At any phase of life, we have the power to create a life we are proud of. We all hold pivotal keys to this movement of empowering each other to become our true and most vibrant selves. And we can’t do it alone.

Written by Tiffany of Remind Me Values, Originally posted on remindmevalues.com.

Prendete – Closed

Únete a nosotros en este evento para que te prendas en una noche de diversión. Este evento es una oportunidad de expresarte en un espacio sano y afirmativo.

La facilitadora guía a los participantes en 3 juegos de comunicación. Tu puedes jugar al nivel que se siente cómodo para ti. No tienes que hacer o decir algo que no se siente bien en el momento, y tampoco tienes que contestar preguntas si no quieres.

En fin, la pasamos bien, somos refrescantemente honestos y todos se van prendidos.

Los tres juegos están diseñados para educar sobre la Meditación Orgásmica (OM)- una práctica consiente que esta impactando al mundo por una década!

La práctica ha apoyado a miles de personas solteras y parejas a tender man conexión y intimidad en sus vidas. Marie Claire nombro la practica de OM la práctica mas caliente en la cuidad de Nueva York.

Es un cambio refrescante de los eventos típicos o la escena de un bar.

Lo que descubres sobre ti mismo/a te puede sorprender!

Es increíble que tanta conexión puedes sentir en una hora- aunque es en un salón virtual con personas extrañas- cuando somos honestos y vulnerables.

Al fin de el evento, te informaremos sobre como puedes aprender la práctica de Meditación Orgásmica y otras oportunidades para mas conexión en tu vida.

El ambiente es abierto a todas personas y es una invitación a que juegues y sobrepases tus limitaciones en un modo que se siente divertido y rico.

Muchas personas crecen y sienten inspiración para descubrir mas sobre su ser después de este evento.

El evento comienza al tiempo exacto, el salón virtual abrirá 15 minutos antes del evento, por favor de llegar al salón 15 minutos antes.

La entrada es $15.

 
Junio 4, 2017
 
Domingo 12pm – 1:30pm


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