You Do NOT Have To Be Good

You do not have to: a conversation with geese

You Do Not Have To Good:

A Conversation between Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese and Me

You do not have to be good.

Uh. What do you mean, I don’t have to be good. Doesn’t everyone have to be good? Aren’t there rules about this somewhere? Who said that I don’t have to be good?
And why does my heart crack when I hear those words? Why are there tears streaming down?
Don’t I have to be good? Don’t I?
Heaves of tears roll.
I do not have to be good.
Eyes heavy so heavy. Slumber like an old being put to rest.

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

A sucker punch to the gut with stinging knees and a hundred years of exhaustion. Un-forgiveness firmly rooted as evidenced by my calloused bleeding knees by my ever persistence to believe that old being. Why, you say? Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you make Her beg and repent for the things She wants? Because maybe I believed that old being inside that says that I’m not good and that there couldn’t be enough love inside to make good all the mistakes, judgements, unkind, vile, and harmful things I’ve done. And yet, She doesn’t have an itemized list of the the good and the bad and the atrocious things I’ve done. Only that She’s with me. Loving myself in all those moments uproots un-forgiveness and sets Her free. I don’t have to be good. I can forgive myself.

My borrowed prayer:
“If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask their forgiveness. If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them. And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that. For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself.”

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Gulp. This part. This thing I’ve known and tasted before. Where hunger and appetite meet and can’t seem to consume enough. This part She says to set free. It’s true, I love what I love. and it’s soft. and it’s animal.
You do not not have to walk on your knees repenting about the things you love. Like sheep molting layers of that old being. You do not have to be good.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clear blue air, are heading home again.

It’s here. The Land where the wild geese head home. Head home to The Land.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination.

My own imagination was full of traps and tricks to protect this thing called me. I’m finding my imagination needs others, that connection and reflection and the adding to the creative collective, to include the world and it’s possibilities.

It calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

It’s your place to have all your desires. It’s my place to have all my desires. There’s always plenty for everyone in a world of possibilities.
The wild geese and me.

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Professional Cuddling with Dieniz

Paying to get cuddles is not as unusual as some might think. It is, in fact, a real business built to help people who feel lonely, depressed, or simply in need of an extra cuddle from a stranger.

You can look at it as an upgrade to the “free hugs” you sometimes see on the streets. The difference is there’s a registered company behind it, an hourly rate, and even a certified diploma.

The company, Cuddlist says: “Touch plays an important role in building social connections and most of us don’t get enough touch in our lives.”

How can cuddling with a stranger help combat loneliness and feel better with others? I decided to give it a try myself and find out.

This is my video experience with Dieniz, who is a “professional cuddlist.” I had a one-hour session with her and she introduced me to this entirely new world of “cuddling.”

Despite mine lasting one hour, a session can go up to six hours. It is all up to the client, together with deciding what to do and how to structure the time.

Cuddlist charges £80 per hour. If you’re interested in trying, Dieniz also offered a discounted rate for Business Insider readers.

This article was originally published on

Book excerpt from Bad Mamma by Louise

*Bad Mamma* – a book excerpt from Louise, one of the women we BACK!

Sundays are tricky.
Or they used to be.
It took me to ever for ever to figure that out. In the beginning I thought it was because the kids had been at my place for seven days and I was tired and they wouldn’t sleep and that is a great story.
One of many one could tell of Sunday nights.

My understanding of it is different now though.

This came to my attention on a Sunday night at 9:30 PM I was on the call that I really wanted to be on and so “of course” my kids for a bickering about how much light should be in the room, who was talking more, who started it, and that was being disruptive with the other one that was telling them to slow down and be quiet I was he in getting ear plugs and dripping saltwater in sore eyes, basically I was not able to be on the call at all and it lasted only an hour.

And I got super annoyed like, “okay I just needed to be in this call for an hour can you guys just shut up and go to sleep already I mean what’s the problem”. okay so I didn’t actually say that that’s how I felt. And I was so on my way into blaming them and being annoyed at them and going into the story of “I will never have what I want”. And when something is really important you sure as hell will show up and disappeared for me. I realise this is not a pretty-momma story. And I think for a while I had a story about not being a very great mum. It runs in the family. As the best stories do. I just took me a while to see how I was creating my story in my own life.

But then I remembered but a friend of mine Lucy said just a few days before “be mindful of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory”.

Because the truth of the matter is that I hated Sunday nights. I really hated them. And I was working really hard to not see why. Because Monday mornings my kids go to my ex-husband, and I won’t see them for a week. And really that is very painful to me. I miss them. A lot. But it’s just too painful to feel those feelings. So I unconsciously created a little drama Sunday nights and conflicts with them or between them so that I would get annoyed with them and protect myself from feeling the hurt and the longing, the sadness of missing them, the shame of being the one who filed for divorce, the one who created their life like this. That responsibility still feels pretty heavy on my shoulders. But I’m done. So done. Protecting myself from feeling the pain and losing out on how much I love them and how much it sucks on a Sunday night.
I am done blaming them for not getting what I want. Because it’s not true. And. I will get what I want. I will get what I need and they are not the ones who stand in my way. I am. Or. I was.
No more bad mamma stories.

I’m gonna allow myself to feel the hurt, the yearning, the love.
Because that’s all it really is, it’s love.
I love them so much it hurts.
And thats ok.

Values Dissect with Ruth Kim, Founder of Backed By Women

On this special Mother’s Day, Tiffany interviewed Ruth Kim, the founder of Backed by Women.

Ruth is a powerhouse of energy and love. Dominant in the masculine sense of productivity and efficiency, she also fosters a unique feminine side fueled by desire, connection, and intuition.

This interview dissects the 5 values of Backed By Women and how it came to be.

May 14 @ Soho, New York City

T: So what I hope to better understand is what fuels a founder of a company, someone with a core mission. I want to understand the how. How did this all start?  

R: Just about 10 months ago, I experienced a span of 2 weeks, of multiple moms, who needed a trusted source in figuring out what’s best for their child. “Is this the right thing for my kid, is this normal?” A lot of stress coming from the mom and rightly so, because there isn’t a trusted source that says “You are going to be okay. Your child is perfectly normal or perfect in your right and you’re doing the best in all that you can.” So many mothers with tears in their eyes, weeping, because it’s so hard when trying to figure out that there might be something different with your child.

I want to be able to support women with children to be able to have a trusted source and get coached so they can make really great decisions for their kids and they themselves become the brilliant for their family. Then, I had this idea, Mommy Concierge.

We have women who just want to be connected, known, heard and also supported in actualizing their gifts, brilliance, and power.

T: There’s so much room for actual internal shifts to happen once we realize our potential.

R: Right. Historically, it was women who taught other women how to become a woman. It was through connection that women became women and mothers. We don’t technically have that anymore.

One of the things we do as women is pretend on the outside, and what happens on the inside, is we disconnect and we isolate.

I wanted a platform where we don’t have to do it by ourselves, in isolation. As women, we need connection in order to thrive. We need other women to help us become the woman we want to be.

That is one of the nutrients that is essential to becoming a woman, connection with other women and working out life together.

When I was thinking about my own journey, my mother by the time I was 8 was terminally ill. So at 8 years old, you are at the precipice of becoming a woman, I didn’t have anybody. But God’s good, right?! Providing boat loads of women pouring out whatever they had, everything and anything they had. So I can see what it is to become a woman in every step of the way.

All of those women were mothers as well.

In thinking about my company and the organization that I’m creating, I was backed by multitudes of women. 

There’s no other way that I am the person that I am today without decades of backing.

The company that I’ve launched is Backed By Women. We are talking about coaching, support, community, connection for any stage of womanhood, whether you are just beginning to figure it out or entering a new phase. Whether in career, relationships, health and wellness, motherhood, in all of that, we have women who are willing to stand with you and connect with you and create community with you so that you are not alone.

T: I’d love to get into the next phase of this interview which is “What are the 5 values?” This is going to come as a process and unraveling. We start with 1 and then we see where the flow takes us.

R:  I think the root of all of it is Love. Truly

I think when women back other women, it is not with any sort of ego, it is a love for a sister, a love for another woman who’s on their own journey. That’s where the richness comes in. It’s out of love. That kind of connection. 

T: The foundation is definitely rooted by love and it’s a constant backing. So it starts from that internal source, that power. And where does it go next?

R: I think the next value is ultimately Surrender.

I used to get mad at that word a lot and I’m learning a new interpretation of it, that actually gets to the root of what it is to be a woman. Brene Brown talks about surrender and vulnerability. Coming from a place of hurt, those words will really piss me off. But coming from a place of love and connection, surrender is the easiest path to stay in connection. You don’t have to fight. You just let whatever it is out. Let it go. Be a witness to and by. The surrender that comes from “Okay I have to give up one way of doing life.” In the past, I would have fought and made it extremely difficult for myself. Spend a lot of energy being mad, frustrated and creating a lot of emotional mess. So this time, like when I broke my foot, I was like “Okay, I don’t have to fight.” I can alter the way I move from point A to B and still feel good in the middle of a potentially trying situation.

 T: There’s a lot that happens when we can allow ourselves the space to be still.

R: I think my natural self is incredibly busy, busy because I can. We take for granted the amount of energy, electricity we generate. I now know that I have an enormous amount of energy, ENORMOUS! And God and the universe is asking me to stop, there’s a lot of will that just had to lay down.

And just be and surrender to that moment.

T: Yes, Love and Surrender is fundamental. This is the part where I want you to feel into where Backed by Women is going. Where you want to drive it to become. The third value is a good transition period to start to think about that.

R: Ultimately when women know better, we do better. And when we deeply know the way to connect to women, we do better. All of us win and all of us are also more brilliant together in connection. When that happens, we expand our impact.

T: You want there to be concrete evidence and not only that, but an affirmation that comes from within. Collectively for all women, and not just from the power woman.

R: Yes, and that happens in Connection.

I talked about how I’ve been backed by a multitude of women and the vision is for myself and many other women to pay it forward. When we pay it forward, there’s a level of power, grit, a level of truth that is undeniable as we have been the recipient of the enormous gift of connection. So when we pay it forward, we make room for more women to have the kind of backing as we become the best versions of ourselves as women. It really is that YOU have a gift, each woman has a gift, their own genius, brilliance that emerges through connection with other women.

T: There’s a definite flow of having you say Love, Surrender, Connection. What’s coming up for me in my head is the word Feminine. A lot of women I feel aren’t very connected with their feminine. It’s a masculine world out there. I’d love to hear more about what feminine means in how you see it and the context of how your business is run by the feminine and what that would look like.

R: I’ve been in the industry of the masculine, for the better part of almost 20 years. This experience in launching this business has quite the different feel, as it has been birthed through what feels good, the feminine. The feminine is actually quite expansive, can include a lot without having as many agendas that are planned to the second.

At Backed by Women, we create packages, circles, webinars, seminars, that are driven by the women that are on our platform who have a desire to do something, say something, change an aspect of the world.

If it feels good, we do it. If it brings more connection, we do it. If it brings more joy, we do it. It’s the feminine. Its unending. It’s kind of like love. The love that we have is infinite. There’s always more. In the feminine, there always a way to figure it out that feels good. There’s a spark of genius, abundance, creation, inclusiveness.

T: I’m hearing that feminine is like creation and intuition. And it can’t happen alone. There’s this power that is rooted in what you call Love and Surrender and just following what it is that drives us to find the most creative solution, to go for our desire, to stay connected, and also have it feel good. There’s so much juice there. What do you feel is the last piece that really ties it together in the end?

R:  Well there’s freedom, and in freedom there’s power. In our purpose, we find freedom, power, creativity, and we also find abundance within and we are able to expand.

T: So gathering all of those 5 elements, with love, surrender, connection, feminine, and with purpose. What do you feel is your mission statement?

Together we cocreated the Backed by Women Value Statement

Rooted in LOVE, we allow ourselves to SURRENDER in CONNECTION with other women to discover our FEMININE power within and be fueled by our PURPOSE to change the world.

Thank you Ruth for your creation, devotion, and relentless drive in creating a platform that can connect women to their brilliance. At any phase of life, we have the power to create a life we are proud of. We all hold pivotal keys to this movement of empowering each other to become our true and most vibrant selves. And we can’t do it alone.

Written by Tiffany of Remind Me Values, Originally posted on

Prendete – Closed

Únete a nosotros en este evento para que te prendas en una noche de diversión. Este evento es una oportunidad de expresarte en un espacio sano y afirmativo.

La facilitadora guía a los participantes en 3 juegos de comunicación. Tu puedes jugar al nivel que se siente cómodo para ti. No tienes que hacer o decir algo que no se siente bien en el momento, y tampoco tienes que contestar preguntas si no quieres.

En fin, la pasamos bien, somos refrescantemente honestos y todos se van prendidos.

Los tres juegos están diseñados para educar sobre la Meditación Orgásmica (OM)- una práctica consiente que esta impactando al mundo por una década!

La práctica ha apoyado a miles de personas solteras y parejas a tender man conexión y intimidad en sus vidas. Marie Claire nombro la practica de OM la práctica mas caliente en la cuidad de Nueva York.

Es un cambio refrescante de los eventos típicos o la escena de un bar.

Lo que descubres sobre ti mismo/a te puede sorprender!

Es increíble que tanta conexión puedes sentir en una hora- aunque es en un salón virtual con personas extrañas- cuando somos honestos y vulnerables.

Al fin de el evento, te informaremos sobre como puedes aprender la práctica de Meditación Orgásmica y otras oportunidades para mas conexión en tu vida.

El ambiente es abierto a todas personas y es una invitación a que juegues y sobrepases tus limitaciones en un modo que se siente divertido y rico.

Muchas personas crecen y sienten inspiración para descubrir mas sobre su ser después de este evento.

El evento comienza al tiempo exacto, el salón virtual abrirá 15 minutos antes del evento, por favor de llegar al salón 15 minutos antes.

La entrada es $15.

Junio 4, 2017
Domingo 12pm – 1:30pm

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